End of the Line
by Fleur06
Summary: TR is called to a hostage situation, what happens when it is one of the team that they want to see can they get him to release them all and will they come out of it unscathed can the team help. Why did it have to happen, Who ends up fighting for their life, what happens when one of the team dies who is it and how will TR cope without them and how will it affect all involved.
1. Chapter 1

Going into the hospital room, was it only 2 days ago everything was fine, that life was reasonably normal, the team was all together ready to go and answer a call, one that would change the life of Tactical Response for ever. Never thinking that this was the day that we would lose one of the squad, that there life would be cruelly taken from us, something we couldn't see happen, it all seemed like a routine call.

IN the waiting room, hoping and praying for good news, a miracle in a way, they are operating now, they will pull through they have too. Not even seeing the other team members there, so many times we had all been in the hospital, with Kerry coming to tell us what happened, the news hadn't been good either of those times, Dom, Grace. Looking up as Tash walks in her face grim "we've operated, the news isn't good, we're managed to stop the bleeding for now, it is still touch and go" hearing a voice "can I see them?" as Tash nods "one at a time though" following Tash to the room, pulling a chair out sitting next to them.

Reaching for their hand watching them lying helpless in the bed with tubes coming out of them the machines beeping around them, every time you close your eyes the images still haunting how they wish they could forget it all, holding them in your arms, watching as their life slips away feeling so helpless, begging them to hold on, help has arrived finally now hoping it isn't too late. How did it all happen why didn't you try more or harder, why didn't you do something before it got to this, anything, instead you let it happen, you didn't try harder to stop it, you can't lose them now, you've been together in the squad for so long. Clasping their hand you don't want to say good bye, its too hard you can't, you don't want them to go. Now looking at the machines around you pray for a miracle but it doesn't happen. Tears start to form in your eyes and no matter how hard you will them to stop or blink them back you can't and they now really begin to fall, they can't die.

…..

TWO DAYS EARLIER

Walking into the base turning to Leon "any word yet from Lawson?" shaking his head "there are still hostages in the building?" nodding at Leon "do they know who it is, or what building it is, you're brought up all cameras in the area?" bringing up the cameras turning to Kerry "I can't access the ones in the building only the lobby, need to get up there to be able to log into them" looking at the screen "you can't do that from here" shaking his head "I've tried everything" looking at the screen pointing "what about those buildings over there, can't you turn those cameras around and the ones behind" looking up at Kerry "That's illegal Kerry, can't do that" rolling her eyes at Leon sighing in exasperation "Oh Leon, I'll look away" trying to hide a smile despite her hardness he liked his boss, seeing Kerry facing him again looking up at her, her mouth open, seeing Kerry looking closely at the screen "oh shit, I know that building" closing her eyes she had been to that building so many times at one stage, the guilt kept taking her there she had a bad feeling about this, putting the head phones on, she hears Lawson's voice come through "we're managed to get through to them, Kerry it is Boyd Temper, we're trying to speak to him now" closing her eyes, a bad feeling she needed to be there "Lawson I'm on my way now.

Driving towards the building it had been two years now since she had hit the cyclist killing his brother, and a few months later that Boyd had turned up at her apartment, drunk, the guilt she felt she let him into her life and more she kept saying sorry she couldn't walk away even when she knew she should seeing the article in his apartment, she had kissed and slept with him she knew it was wrong but was drawn to him and couldn't walk away.

Walking up to Lawson her eyes fixed on his before glancing to the building "any news yet?" moving away with her "We're found that he is on the 1st floor the other floors are fine but no one above can get down, Christian and Stella are putting up eyes now" glancing at Shannon before facing Lawson "I want you to go primary on this one" nodding at Kerry if he was right he was the brother of the cyclist she hit, and if rumour was right he knew briefly that Boyd and her had something going, he had turned up at Base a few times "you know what it is about?" seeing Kerry ignoring his question looking at the building "You ok?" glancing at Lawson, she knew Boyd knew she was in Tactical Response, was it her he was after "I'm fine".

Hearing the phone ring, putting the headphones on along with Lawson "I want to speak to Inspector Kerry Vincent, I want her to come up here" biting her lips, she didn't want to see him again want any memories come back it was the past hearing Lawson's voice "You need to do something for us Boyd, release the hostages you have then we can see about you talking to Kerry" hearing Boyd's accent "No I don't want to talk to her, I WANT to see her…have Kerry come up here, then I might release some of them, but without seeing her first, then no one leaves …..you have five minutes" before hanging up the phone

Turning to face Kerry seeing her rub her eyes "You don't have to go up Kerry, not without backup" looking at the phone she knew as soon as she saw what building it was, that Boyd would want to see her, she was the one who had told him it was over she couldn't keep on apologising she didn't love him never did it was guilt and she had to move on and that meant telling Boyd it was over he had called her so many times, she had not returned any of his phone calls, she couldn't continue to apologise all the time.

Staring straight ahead she would see him, if that is what it took, she was stronger now, it was in the past she had nothing to feel guilty about she was found innocent she didn't do anything wrong, taking her head phones off glancing at Lawson "Let Boyd know, I'll come up but he needs to release the hostages, at least half of them before I enter" watching as she walks towards the building, he reaches out to her worry, he saw her after she had hit the cyclist when she went out with Leon, getting drunk her way of dealing with things he had noticed was drinking, he doubted she was thinking straight watching her walk towards the building "Your not wearing a vest" shaking her head at Lawson looking up at him "If I wear one on the outside it will say I'm scared, if I wear one underneath it will look like I'm a coward, I need him to talk to me Lawson" feeling Lawson's hand on her arm "Kerry, you don't know what he will do" staring at Lawson her eyes defiant "I'm not wearing one Lawson, he won't hurt me" her voice softer "I'll be fine"


	2. Chapter 2

**AT the hospital **

_Sitting in the waiting room, the mood sombre, no one able to move, the whole team there waiting to see, looking up as Leon walks in sitting down. Just waiting for some good news any news looking around at each team member, the shock on their faces how could it all turn to shit, how many times had they been called to situations, this is what they are all trained for from Kerry down to Stella and Michael, they all knew how to deal with any situation thrown at them, negotiating too, Lawson was one of the best they all had to at some time._

_Walking into the room the machines surrounding their body beeping away, seeing them lying there so helpless, you've never seen them like this before something you never want to again, you don't know what to say to them in a way you feel like yelling at them to wake up to get out of the bed stop being so lazy, TR wouldn't be the same without them instead the tears form in your eyes you don't want them to form, you're a guy for goodness sake you've seen mates die before Dom and Grace but this is so different, reaching for their hand before quickly dropping it walking out of the room it was so weird seeing them like this you never thought it would happen especially to them, you need to get out of here, you can't deal with this any longer. _

…___

Walking inside the building she had walked inside many times previously, she knew exactly where his office was, she had kissed him a few times there shaking her head she needed a clear head for this into her coms "I'm at the lift now Lawson, Leon patch my coms through to his phone"

Hearing Boyd's voice "Morning commissioner" rolling her eyes she forgot he kept calling her that as he continues "so you going to come up and see me" taking a deep breath "Boyd, for me to come up, you need to release some of the hostages, if you want to see me, you need to do that" hearing silence on the end of the phone "What's to say you will still come up commissioner, is this what it takes for you to see me" her voice firm and in control "Boyd, I'm coming up the lift now, but before I get out, I need you to release some of the hostages, you need to do this before I will see you, then we will talk" hearing nothing on the phone silence for what seems like eternity she hears his voice again "I'll let 3 of them go, Mandy my receptionist and 2 others will come down, the rest stay until you come up …. I'm looking forward to seeing you again Kerry" zipping up her leather jacket, pulling it tight, something in his voice ringing alarm bells in her head, was it she didn't want to see it, or was it the way it was said meaning in his words. Not one to show fear hearing the lift bell ring as the doors open as three females come out glancing at them, seeing them shaken, wondering what had caused Boyd to do this he seemed quite together but it had been a couple of years glancing over her shoulder as Stella and Josh usher them out biting her lips taking a deep breath, walking into the lift turning around as the doors closed getting her breathing under control as they open on the first floor walking out her shoes clicking against the floor.

Looking up her face neutral, what did she expect seeing him again no emotion showing on her face hearing his voice "I'm glad you came commissioner" shaking her head "I'm not the commissioner, I'm here now Boyd so why don't you let these people go and then it's just you and me, what is this about"

Looking at Kerry his eyes intent on hers, he had wanted to hate her from the moment he saw what happened, following her after she left the police station wanting to make her pay the coroner finding her not guilty of killing him she kept saying she did nothing wrong, then he turned up on her doorstep one night drunk wanting her to have a drink with him, he wanted her then, he kissed her and wanted more, he didn't want to let her go, turning up to her work, getting her to kiss him, he had wanted to have sex with her, she didn't until, well she finally did and as suddenly as it started she stopped it, told him it was over she couldn't do it didn't return or answer his calls now today he thought he was fine she was so beautiful if only it was someone else, but no looking at her still "do you know what today is?"

Her mouth slightly open her eyes slightly wide shit, was it today she couldn't remember now, or she didn't want to remember the day it happened, the day she hit someone and killed someone she had pulled her gun on people in the line of duty and shot someone but this was so different to that she was driving when it happened she wasn't going to start apologising again, once she started would she stop "I know what today is Boyd do you really think I'd forget what happened?" walking closer to Kerry her eyes fixed on his giving a nod "I believe you would like to forget what happened, Kerry you seemed to have moved on with your life whilst my brother died that day Kerry I will never see him again"

Walking closer to Boyd she did slightly forget it had been two years, she didn't want to think about it anymore she had dwelt on it for too long before moving on "Boyd, I did nothing wrong, I'm sorry you lost your brother but it wasn't my fault" looking up at Boyd's face "So the coroner said we will never know that, just because you are with the police you thought you'd get off and you did. Me I live with the fact that I will never see my brother again" Watching as Boyd walks over to his desk taking a sip out of the glass "you still drinking" not even looking at Kerry "you drove me to it Kerry, you killed my brother then dumped me, no reason, no phone call, you didn't even return my phone call" glancing at the hostages "Boyd why don't you let them go, you have me now, isn't that what you wanted. Then we can talk, I'm not going anywhere then it can be just you and me" watching Boyd think she needed to get him away from whatever he was drinking.

Looking at the few people left, what good where they, he now had who he wanted they were all innocent but so was his brother yet he still died, he wanted to make Kerry suffer but seeing her again could he actually hurt her turning to the hostages "Just go" seeing them standing there still "go before I change my mind"

Watching as they walk out in the hallway, would he actually harm her now there was no one around "you did the right thing Boyd" her voice then soft "you didn't want me Boyd, did you really think it would work out I was the one that killed your brother, I would have been a constant reminder to you what we had was good but it wasn't going to last". Looking down at her hand, the rings on her fingers, rubbing the ring remembering back to going to the medical centre she had wanted to break it up with him she had to get to work she had spent the night with Boyd, one of the few times she had sex with him he wanted more but she had to get up, she was getting dressed when Boyd came over to her kissing her moving his hands around her pushing him away her ring got caught yet again she felt guilty and ended up going back to him "Boyd you're better off without me in your life"

Looking at Kerry "That's where you're wrong, I wanted you in my life Kerry, don't you realise that we belong together" looking up at Boyd keeping in control not letting any emotion show, especially fear she can walk out any time she wants, her coms on, now they are all gone and it is just him, TR able to come up "Look Boyd, why don't we go somewhere and talk, get a coffee or a drink just you and me, leave the office" shaking his head "how stupid do you think I am Kerry, the minute I'm downstairs you will have your team arrest me we aren't going anywhere, watching as he walks over to the door locking it "you and I are staying here, I'm not letting you go anywhere"

….

**Downstairs/outside**

Watching as Josh and Stella come out with the 3 hostages Lawson turns to Josh "see what you can get out of them" before into his coms "Leon do you have any plans for the building, especially the first floor and the next two above it"

Hearing Kerry's voice over the com, talking to Boyd keeping calm, it must be hard for her, knowing she can handle herself in most situations wondering what it is doing bringing it all up again turning to Shannon and Christian "Boyd is releasing the hostages move over to the lift"

Seeing someone walking over to him, turning around, seeing her still shaken by it all her voice soft "that police officer that Boyd wanted up he is obsessed with her, you need to get her out I….. I think he could have a gun up there" turning to face her remaining calm "Are you sure? How do you know this?" biting her lip "I went into his office one day, looking for some papers, when I opened one of his drawers I saw the gun there. I don't know if it is still there. I used to see her come a few times to see Boyd it was a couple of years ago but I knew who she was and what she looked like. He he has clippings and photos of her hidden in his drawer. I'm only guessing but you need to get her out of there"

Looking up at the building damm Kerry why didn't she put on the keflor vest, it had always been Kerry's rules vs TR rules, yeah she wrote the handbook and went around breaking so many of the rules, what was her excuse "their my rules to break" she did forget they were her rules not anymore he could just imagine what she would say if it was him who walked into the building without a vest on actually it wouldn't be too nice.

Turning to Michael and Josh, indicating for them to come over "Josh I need you two to go up the fire escape to level 3, put on the harness" showing him the plans "I need you to get down to this window, take a gas bomb" before facing Stella "I want you in the fire escape, Michael will join you there, take a gas bomb too" turning to Shannon and Christian "you two at the back of the building, no one moves in until I give the word, just be careful, any wrong move could …" could he say the word kill Kerry shaking his head no he is sure she can handle herself, if only he could believe it he wondered if Boyd would hurt Kerry, maybe not but he wasn't so sure about his team he would have no hesitation in that.

….


	3. Chapter 3

_Thanks for the reveiews and reading it, please keep continuing to do so_

…

Her eyes quickly glancing around the room standing at the door hesitating, she wants to go in her feet not letting her, all she is able to do is stare at the figure on the bed, watching as the chest rises up and down tubes and machines everywhere walking tentatively into the room what was she to say, never one really lost for words but now she had no idea. Walking closer to the bed, she had seen team members die before for some reason this was different was it because they came across so strong and in control or was it because you never expected it to come to this, how many people did TR need to lose in the line of duty, Grace, nearly Dom and then Dom died in the bomb explosion. Not able to go close to the bed staring at it, wiping away the tears from her eyes she can't cry, she doesn't want to lose it, walking closer to the bed Stella whispers "Keep on fighting, you can't give up. TR needs you" there is so much more she wants to say so much they have meant a lot to her but she had never told them, even now seeing them lying there she still can't say anything, reaching out, not able to touch them moving away from the bed, her eyes drawn to bed seeing them just lying there looking so vulnerable and helpless it makes you feel the same, nothing you can do to help them, only hoping that they will pull through and make it, they have to they just have to.

….

"Boyd you will need to leave here some time, you can't stay here forever, then what?"

Looking at Kerry, what didn't she get, he wanted her and to be with her and that was all that mattered "I will leave with you, I'm not leaving this building without you Kerry"

Walking over to the chair taking a seat "It's going to be a long time then, Boyd this isn't the right way to go about this"

Interrupting Kerry "Isn't it, I got to see you, how else was I meant to do that, you never answered my phone calls, never returned them, this was the only way I could get you to come and see me can't you see that"

Taking a deep breath turning off her coms briefly "I thought it was better Boyd, that we had no contact, it wasn't going to work out between us, I didn't want to hurt you anymore, it was over between us, we both needed to move on, you deserved someone who would love you, better and that wasn't me"

Turning away from Kerry briefly as she turns her coms back on "that is where you are wrong I wanted you and no one else"

Raising her eyes at him why did she even let this happen in the first place, why did she let him into her life, hearing his voice "you knew it was me and you still came, that tells me something, you still care?"

Her eyes wide and raised shaking her head slightly "No Boyd, I was worried, and you had hostages" seeing him facing her as he walks over to his desk his voice changing "If I can't have you then no one can"

…..

Hearing the conversation through the coms starting to get worried, hearing Stella's voice "Lawson are we going in, that was a threat"

"Hold your position Stel, everyone hold their positions, Josh how far away are you, are you in position" hearing the click from the com "Kerry, I'm sending the team in now" hearing her voice come through "Not yet"

Shaking his head "Kerry, this is getting out of control, I'm sending the team in now"

Hearing her voice again "No, not yet"

….

Hearing Lawson's voice come through the com her voice low " not yet" before turning to Boyd "Boyd, think about what this is going to do to your career, you won't be able to practice law, this isn't worth it, I'm not worth it"

Seeing Boyd near his desk "that is where you are wrong commissioner, I think you are very worth it" as he turns around a gun pointing towards her, her eyes wide open "Put the gun down Boyd, you will have the place crawling with police, please put the gun down"

Seeing Boyd pointing the gun to her, she didn't think it would come to this, pulling her gun out from behind her "Boyd put the bloody gun down" her hand shaking slightly, she never expected it to turn to this hearings Lawson voice through the com "hold your fire" then looking at Boyd "You're not going to do this, Boyd put the gun down" seeing the gun still in his hand "put the gun down Boyd" looking into Kerry's eyes he doubts she would shoot him "You don't want to shoot me Kerry"

Looking at Boyd her hand wavering slightly, shit why wasn't he listening to her, she should have had her vest on, she had no protection "Hold your fire" before turning to Boyd "put the gun down Boyd, you don't want to do this" then turning off her coms briefly "didn't you say you loved me, do this Boyd and you will go to jail" before turning her coms back on "Boyd put the gun down, the place will be swarming with cops any minutes now … why are you doing this?"

Staring at her "If I can't have you no one can?" her eyes wide he was serious seeing him walking towards her "Stay where you are Boyd"

…..

Hearing Kerry's voice come through the coms "Kerry I'm sending the team in now?" hearing her voice clearly "Hold your fire"

"Shit Kerry, the guy has a gun" wanting to add just shoot the prick

Hearing Kerry telling Boyd to put the gun down, how many times did she want to say it, shit she didn't even have her vest on "Shit Kerry, this isn't the time for games or negotiating" hearing her voice come through again "Hold your fire"

Shaking his head into his com "Leon can you get any cameras on line from his office"

Hearing the negative reply "I'm sending the team in now Kerry ….. Josh get ready with the gas bomb"

…

Hearing a noise outside her eyes glance towards the window too late as she sees Boyd turn around as she hears the voices of her team "Drop your weapon" echo around the room.

Seeing slight confusion on Boyd's face before hearing one shot fired followed by another soon after

…..

Hearing one shot fired his mouth open in slight shock before hearing another couple of shots and smashing glass, into his com "Leon, I need to be able to see that room NOW" hearing Stella's voice through the com "Shots fired, Officer down" "We need the medi kit now" before hearing Leon's voice "I can see through the lapel cameras Lawson"

Hearing Stella's voice again "Shit Lawson, you need to get up here now"

Running to the car, the only thought Kerry wasn't wearing a vest, was she still alive, not wanting to ask over the com or hearing Leon's reply hearing a scream looking up his eyes wide "Shit" turning to the officers holding Josh's rope hearing Josh yell out "Get us down now". Racing over to the rope, as Josh is lowered down into his com "Leon I need an ambulance now" seeing Josh release the rope and harness, lowering Christian onto the floor "the bastard shot him twice, and he flew through the window with the force" looking down at Christian seeing his eyes open "you're going to be Ok" before turning to Josh seeing him applying pressure to his shoulder "You ok here, I need….." seeing Josh nod as he races off.  
Racing up the stairs, his thoughts to the others, there was still another gun shot, "Stel, I'm on my way up now" hearing Shannon's voice come through slight relief that it was his girlfriend who was shot "covering you Lawson, Boyd still has the gun" wanting to ask why the fuck haven't they shot him, if he was shooting his team members, damm Kerry why did she let it get so out of hand, why did he let her continue on, he should of done something when Mandy spoke to him, opening the door cautiously to the first floor his gun in hand looking up seeing Boyd with a gun still in his hand his eyes darting around the room seeing one of the team lying on the floor.


	4. Chapter 4

_Looking around the waiting room at all the faces of the team looking up at her, she wished the news was better, that she could give them what they wanted but the fact was she couldn't "We have operated the bleeding is under control, but the injuries are severe, tried to stabilise but it is still critical and touch and go"_

_Seeing the withdrawn look on some of their faces, turning to her boyfriend she knew what the team meant to him, they were his family, his eyes were red from holding the tears back, she knew he would blame himself too, even if he had no control over what happened. _

_Sitting on the chair Christian can't not hope, it's his belief he won't give up hope or praying "She's going to pull through though, miracles do happen, you can't give up?". _

_Looking at Christian full of hope "no one is giving up, if they do pull through" not wanting to say what she thinks "it will be a long road ahead we won't know what damage if any for a while, there was a lot of blood loss too I'm sorry that is all I can say for now."_

_Looking up at Tash it was more what she wasn't saying "but…. Your not going to let them die, you can't there has to be more you can do" her face grim "We are doing everything we can we are not giving up"_

_Walking out of the room, their mouths wide open, no one expected this, watching as Christian gets up off the seat, he can't stay here there has to be hope and miracles he has always believed in that, he thought once they got to the hospital everything was going to be ok, the doctors would help how could it not be. Walking out to the seat, sitting down, looking up seeing Amber there "What are you doing here" seeing her look at him "I thought you might need someone" nodding sitting down, he did, he couldn't go home to Annie, he still needed to stay here, could he go and say goodbye, is that what Tash was saying, feeling Ambers hand near his, putting his hand on top of it on his leg for the time being he can't, he needs to live in hope and pray for a miracle._

…

Looking around the room, slight relief on his face as he sees Kerry standing near Boyd before walking over to where Michael is lying on the ground. Seeing Stella kneeling next to Michael her hand on his wound into his com "Leon we need an ambulance" hearing his voice "One is on its way" as Stella looks up at him "The prick shot him, I say just shoot the idiot, who knows who will be next" glancing up at Kerry near Boyd, he tends to agree with her into his com his voice soft but firm "Kerry end this situation now, or I will"

….

Watching in slow motion as the bullet goes towards away from her as Michael falls to the ground before the firing another one watching Christian fall backwards before another shot is fired at his shoulder as he falls out of the window, hearing a scream from Christian her eyes wide and mouth open, shit what was happening she had to stop it now, she didn't want to shoot Boyd or anyone in her team having to, she needed to talk him down. Walking towards Boyd, she didn't want him shot or killed "Boyd look at me, put the gun down" walking towards him "it's not them you want its me" walking closer to him looking straight at him "you're the only one I want Kerry no one else but you"

Hearing Lawson's voice into the com "Kerry end this situation now or I will" pausing looking at Boyd before giving a short shake of her head, damm Lawson, he was going to leave it to her as she hears his voice "Josh, get ready to throw the gas bomb in?" not hearing a reply "Josh?"

Into her com softly but firm "Josh no, Lawson piss off, I'm in charge here, this is under control". Taking a deep breath moving closer to him closing her eyes briefly, can she do it the last thing she wanted to do, she didn't want anyone to shoot him, despite everything he did he didn't deserve that, her mouth close to his as she leans towards him, can she really do it moving slowly towards him in slow motion seeing him look at her moving towards her trying not to show how she really feels she kisses him briefly.

Looking up at Kerry, shit what was she doing, why was it always Kerry's way of doing things different to others, why did she get away with doing things, yeah that was right she was in charge of TR, glancing at the others, he sees Stella's mouth open as she glances up at Kerry before looking at him questioning him.

Feeling his arms wrap around her as her arms wrap around him for a brief second before quickly pulling away from him, pinning his arms to his back, pushing him to the ground "Boyd Temper you are under arrest" looking up as Shannon and Christian move over to him pulling him up looking at him as they walk away "Shan wait"

Walking over to him her voice low "you disgust me Boyd, you need help, I could never go out with you again, we are over what we had was nothing" before turning to Shannon "Get him out of here"

Sitting down on the chair resting her elbows on her knees rubbing her hand through her hair, glad it was all over, feeling Lawson's hand on her back "I'm fine Lawson" then looking up at him briefly "how's Michael?"

Looking at Kerry sitting on the chair he knows she likes to be in control, no doubt the memories all coming back, the situation over for now reaching out touching her back did he really expect her to say anything else she was one tough nut, hard to break, he knew she had turned the coms off at times "Michael should be OK, he is in the ambulance now, it shouldn't be too bad, he might need to be operated on to get the bullet out though, it was his leg that was shot"

Not looking at Lawson but straight ahead "this isn't your fault Kerry, Boyd has problems, it worked out OK" her mouth slightly open as her tongue moves around getting up off the chair "Next time I tell you to hold fire, listen to me, instead of thinking you know best" watching her walk away "Kissing Boyd is the way to go, really Kerry and turning your coms off".

Shaking her head, why did Lawson infuriate her so often as she turns around quickly "It was my choice, It worked Lawson, whatever works" before walking down the stairs.

….

Walking into her apartment thankful the day is over was it really 2 years ago that she hit the cyclist, it was a day she never wanted to think about again the fact that she killed someone whilst driving, seeing Boyd again she knew she made the right decision it wouldn't of worked out and she didn't love him, she only liked him if that the guilt she felt at the time apologising over and over again she never wanted to go back there again.

She had dropped into the hospital on the way home, Christian was coming home later that night or early the next morning, Annie was at the hospital with him, the bullet had only grazed his shoulder the pieces of glass taken out of him. The situation would have been a whole lot worse if Josh wasn't still in his harness. Christian had taken it in his stride eating the hospital food. Michael had come out out of surgery, the bullet out of his leg, Stella was with him whilst he was recovering, he would probably be off for a few weeks, it seemed both of them were out of danger hopefully.

Walking over to the bench pouring herself a glass of wine, bringing the bottle over to the table. Putting her feet up the need to relax, hearing the front door bell ring, not even looking at the screen, no doubt Lawson checking up on her or Josh

Opening the door surprise on her face "what are you doing here" going to close the door as a foot presses against it "aren't you going to let me in" shaking her head "Just go home"

…..

Walking out of the hospital with his girlfriend, hearing his phone ring Lawson answers it, hanging up soon after his face showing shock turning to Shannon "that was ….. Boyd got released on bail" raising her eyes at Lawson "Your joking" shaking his head turning to Shannon "sorry Shan, I have to go and tell Kerry" trying not to roll her eyes at Lawson, why did he have to go running she wanted to spend time with him "just ring her Lawson" already dialling her number waiting impatiently for her to answer "Shan, I have to go around and tell her, see if she is OK" nodding at Lawson "Want me to come" shaking his head "I'll see you later on, I'll drop around to your place"

Driving to Kerry's place trying to ring her again, hearing it go to message back damm her, should he ring Josh to come over. Shaking his head no she might just be in the shower or something, if only he could believe it.

…

Walking towards the lounge, turning around he was stronger than she thought she had tried to close the door on him, but he had pushed it open towards her knocking her off balance which was all he needed.

Hearing her phone ring glancing seeing Lawson's name pop up wanting to answer it, seeing the gun in Boyd's hand as she is pushed over to the lounge "why are you doing this Boyd?" his eyes hardened and cold "Why do you think?"

Hearing the front door ring, slight relief could she get out of this hearing Lawson's voice calling out "Kerry I know you are home, answer the door" looking up at Boyd "I need to get that" shaking his head "how stupid do you think I am" biting her lip "if I don't, they will know something has happened, let me just get rid of him"

Pulling her off the lounge "one wrong move and I'll shoot both of you"

Taking a deep breath opening the door slightly seeing Lawson there "Boyd has been released on bail" nodding at Lawson her eyes not looking at him "Yeah I heard, I'll be fine"

"I think you should stay at a hotel tonight" biting her lips her tongue moving around her mouth "I'll be OK here Josh, I'll see you at work later Yeah"

Looking at Kerry, the meaning of her words, not able to say anything his eyes widening seeing Kerry about to close the door her words forceful "just go home"

…..

Sitting on the lounge with Lawson, shit why couldn't he just have left why did he have to go all macho on her, couldn't he have walked away and gotten help, no of course not here they both were goodness knows when help would get here, now the situation worse, seeing Boyd walk over to her "Your not going to get away with it"

Shrugging at Kerry "maybe not, but I'll have some fun" walking closer to her his face close to hers "Starting with you ….I will make you pay commissioner, count my word"


	5. Chapter 5

_**Watching as Tash walks into the room she wished she had better news for them, she has bleeding and swelling on the brain, the lungs have collapsed, her face is badly bruised and until swelling goes down we do not know the severity of her injuries there " looking at her boyfriend sitting there as she continues "shaking her head "Its not good, both of them have suffered huge blood loss and are being operated on now"**_

_**Watching as Josh walks away, she follows him, reaching out to touch him "go and see" seeing him shake his head "this isn't you fault Josh, there is nothing you could of done to prevent this" **_

_**Not looking at Tash, even though he knew it wasn't his fault he wished he could of done more "Maybe if we had got there sooner, if we checked all night, I dunno"**_

…

Walking into work early the following morning ringing Lawson again, the phone now turned off, she was starting to get worried, maybe he had spent the night at Kerry's place, but why didn't he call her they had got their relationship back on track again she thought.

Watching as the team arrives and still no sign of Lawson, Shannon looks around "Anyone heard from Lawson" seeing them shake his head she continues "he went around to Kerry's last night, and I haven't heard from him since" seeing a smirk on Stella's face with a laugh as she does up her shoe laces "Maybe they lost track of time Shan" glaring at Stella not wanting to admit she wondered too, shaking her head "Boyd was released last night, on bail, Lawson went around to check on her" shrugging at her friend "Maybe he just stayed there to ensure she was safe, this is Lawson Shan"

Striding out of the room towards Leon "Leon get a position on Lawson and Kerry's phones"

Looking up at the Sergeant "A please would be nice sometimes Josh" not in the mood for Leon he growls "You'll get more than a please soon Leon ….NOW"

Typing away "There phones are turned off, they need to be turned on for me to get a position or even triangulate it"

Striding quickly to his car he calls out "can you get the last number dialled on either one them, what about Boyd's phone can you get a position on that one" before turning to the team "Stel with me, Christian with Shannon, silent approach" seeing Shannon look at him "to Kerry's?" nodding quickly at Shannon "yeah"

Getting Boyd's mobile took longer than he hoped, then trying to position it waiting for the lines to come into position "oh shit" before into his com "The signal says his phone is around Kerry's area, in Seddon I can't get an exact location, but trying on it"

Josh into his com "keep trying Leon, we're on our way now"

Arriving at the house, looking around Josh seeing Kerry and Lawson's car into his com "Leon get me names on the following regos Bravo Yankie Oscar 138, alfa alfa kilo 268, bravo kilo zulo 114, can you find out what Boyd's registration plate is"

Turning to the team "Shan, Michael around the back, Christian and Stella put some eyes up around the place"

Hearing Stella's voice into the com "Josh let's just go in there, this is going to take time"

"No … we could make the situation worse we need to know what we are going into, just hurry up and get the eyes up with no noise"

Adjusting the screen in the car, as the eyes are up, his eyes widening "Stel, Christian get back to the front quickly" nodding to them as they come back "on my count of three".

Opening the front door their guns poised seeing Boyd with a gun "Put the gun down" watching as he looks around the voice louder "Put the gun down"

Hearing the door open, the words she had longed to hear "Put the gun down, Get down on your knees, don't move, Put the gun down" trying to open her eyes but unable to see much, feeling Lawson's squeeze around her shoulders as he whispers "your safe now" then hearing his voice louder "we need an ambulance now".

Looking at Boyd looking around, Josh tasers him, seeing him on the floor, turning to Stel "cuff him" looking up at Josh "you should of just shot the bastard"

Getting up off the lounge, the pain through his legs, he hadn't even looked down, but now as he stands the pain going through, each step hard and painful, picking up a blanket near by, before walking back to Kerry, wrapping it around her, her clothes ripped.

Walking over to Lawson, the shock on his face as he sees Kerry, she was unrecognisable her face, closing his eyes he sees Lawson's eyes looking at him, no words need to be said, seeing Shannon walk towards Lawson "Shan, Stel, get Boyd out of here, Christian get the medi kit" seeing Shannon continuing towards him "I need to see how Lawson is, get out of my way Josh" standing firm in her way his voice firm no nonsense "he's fine Shannon, just get Boyd out of here" glaring at Josh, damm him she wants to see her boyfriend, watching him not move on the couch, close to Kerry biting her lips mouthing "whatever", walking towards Boyd.

Shaking his head as he sees Stella walking closer "How is she?" shaking his head "Stel, don't, she won't want anyone to see her like this" the fact was he wished he didn't have to see her like that, it was an image that he doubted would go away for a long time into his com "Leon, how far away is the ambulance"

….

Seeing Josh's lapel camera Leon's face open in shock, what had she been through, turning to Amber "can you… I need…. Just take over" hurrying out of the room towards the bathroom, looking in the mirror, running to the toilet throwing up, the image of her face and Lawson. Turning the tap on, scooping up the water pouring it over his face "she has to be alright, she will be alright" standing over the basin just staring at the mirror"

…

Feeling Lawson's arms around her the ordeal finally over, it is hurting to breath, each breath she takes her chest her stomach every part of her body was hurting. Stroking Kerry's head watching her, her breaths coming shallower, he can hear her gasp "Josh we need that ambulance now" hearing Amber's voice over the com "Josh it's Amber here, the ambulance is on its way it should be there in a minute or so" turning to Lawson hearing the sirens as he was about to speak.

Relief that help is on its way, she needs to get out of there, feeling the blood dripping down her face she doesn't want her team to see her like this she knows they are around but all she can hear is Josh's voice, moving away from Lawson, she doesn't want his help anymore, she wants to see Boyd, pulling the blanket around her, using all her strength getting up off the lounge, as she stands up about to move forward, her head spinning, too late as she collapses to the ground.

Seeing Kerry pull away from him, what is she doing "The ambulance is nearly here" watching as she stands up "Kerry, don't" unable to finish the sentence as he watches her fall to the ground calling out "Josh" as his friends hurries over to her, kneeling down next to her seeing his eyes looking up at her "she has a pulse still, its very faint and thready" looking up in relief "hurry she's over here"

Watching as they wheel her out Lawson stands up "I'm going with her" as he puts his feet on the ground, the pain searing up his leg, biting his lips looking up at his mate as he feels Josh's arms helping him out. Seeing Boyd sitting on the ground, moving away from Josh "Get up" seeing Boyd not move "Get up" watching as Josh pulls him up "Didn't you hear Lawson, get up" walking closer to him "If anything happens to her, you will pay for it, I will personally see you get everything you deserve"

Hearing him mumble "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it to go that far" shaking his head at him, his face close to his "You think that makes a difference, you better hope she pulls through" seeing Boyd looking up at him his eyes showing no emotion "she got what she deserved". Turning his head away briefly from him, before turning around punching him hard in the face, ignoring Shannon's voice as he speaks "I'm a lawyer, you think you're going to get away with it"

Watching Lawson walk up to Boyd, Shannon turns watching she thought she knew Lawson but the look on his face, she had never seen it before and she was worried and scared, watching as Josh pulls him up calling out "Josh don't" seeing him ignore him and Lawson doing nothing, she watches as Lawson brings his arm back calling out "Lawson" too late as he brings his fist to Boyd's face, his mouth open in shock, Lawson always played by the rules, glancing at Stella seeing her mouth open "I'd do the same Shan, he deserves more than what Lawson is giving him" biting her lips her eyes fixed on her boyfriend "this isn't the way to deal with it Stel" shrugging at her friend "what is, we have no idea what they have been through, what Lawson had to watch, Kerry is in a bad way, Boyd deserves more than what he got"

Hearing the officers call out "We need to get to the hospital now" nodding at them "I'm coming" before moving his face close to Boyd's "I don't care who you are, if you think they will let you get away with this, this is only the beginning, Kerry is a copper and a bloody good one, I will make sure you pay for this" before making his way to the ambulance, sitting on the seat next to her, stroking her hand as the sirens blare hoping they make it to the hospital soon.

Watching as the ambulance speeds away, the images in Josh's head he knew she was in a bad way, and despite Lawson not admitting it, he knew he was in a lot of pain too, turning to the others "see what you can find inside" watching as they walk inside, walking over to Boyd "Get up" seeing Boyd not moving his voice louder "Get Up" seeing him not move, pulling him off the ground "Why did you do it?" seeing Boyd ignoring him hitting him in the stomach "Talk to me" "She got what she deserved, she killed my brother, she lead me on, she wouldn't return my phone calls" looking at Boyd "Your kidding" seeing Boyd staring at him, he knew he wasn't, he did all of that to Kerry for that, bringing back his fist connecting him in the face then stomach" before feeling a arm on his "Don't Josh"

Looking around inside, there was nothing, they had done what they were here for, why did Josh send them in, looking at each other "OH shit" racing outside, they see Josh's arm come back, pulling him off him, Stella turns to him "shit Josh, don't you think we all want to do that to him" looking up as the GD arrives "no one is to go in there, it's a crime scene, get this scumbag out of here"

Driving along to the hospital, Josh staring straight ahead "This was all because Kerry broke it up with Boyd and wouldn't go out with him" glancing at Josh "some guys just can't get the hint" before saying softly "I wanted to do that to him too Josh, it isn't the way" his voice soft "You didn't see what he did to her Stel" more to himself than anyone "How could anyone do that to someone" looking straight ahead, she had seen a glimpse of her as she was wheeled out she wished she hadn't the sheet had blown slightly "She will pull through" her voice soft and questioning "wont she, what about Lawson too?"

The rest of the drive in silence, would she pull through and Lawson was in more pain than he would admit only time would tell with either of them.


	6. Chapter 6

_Driving in the ambulance, she is drifting in and out of consciousness, the pain of the leg and arms dulled by looking at Kerry, you don't want to look at her the image of her face swollen and bruised all over will stay with him forever, he wished he hadn't seen it now, how could someone do this to her, he will make sure Boyd pays for this if it is the last thing he does. _

…

Trying to focus, the pain over bearing closing her eyes as the morphine starts to kick in. The memories coming back, she needs to fight, she can feel him on top of her ripping at her clothes her arms moving around she has to get away from him "no, get off me, stop, please stop" feeling a gentle touch on her arm "no" how could he do it to her,

Watching Kerry move around agitated hearing her call out, touching her gently, his arm pushed away as she yells again, what did he do to her in the bedroom "can't you do something for her" looking up at the officers "we're done all we can, we can't sedate her, it can mask her symptoms and injuries, she has been through a traumatic experience you both have, just talk softly to her" wanting to reach for her hand to reassure her "Kerry, you're going to be ok, your safe now. Boyd has been arrested, you are in an ambulance being taken to hospital, you're going to be ok" how he hoped that was true. Reaching out slowly for her hand taking it slowly "I won't let him hurt you again" if he saw Boyd again he had never done anything against the law as an officer, but if he saw him again he wasn't so sure.

Hearing Lawson's voice "You'll be ok"

_**She looks up at him sitting on the lounge before looking at Boyd, his eyes cold, what was he going to do to her, to both of them, seeing him pull out a gun on them "you both do what I say, or say your goodbyes" looking up at Boyd "Boyd this is between you and me, leave Lawson out of it" seeing his eyes narrow "what you don't want me to hurt your boyfriend" rolling her eyes at him before raising them slightly "Boyd, Lawson is not my boyfriend, if that is what this about you've got it wrong" seeing him walk closer to her "I don't believe you, how stupid do you think I am" closing her eyes briefly she had never seen him like this, he chased her out of the police station but this is something different "I don't think you are stupid Boyd think about what you are doing" watching as he walks closer to her as he leans down his breath smelling of alcohol "OH commissioner I have thought about this for a long time, what it would be like seeing you again touching you again" as he reaches out touching her face his face close to hers trying to control her breathing as his lips are close to her she can't help but pull away from him as she feels him pull her hair bringing her face close to his as his lips find her kissing her hard she can't respond to her pushing him off her "Boyd, stop it, I can't" seeing his eyes narrow his voice different "that was a big mistake Kerry" feeling his hand hard across her face**_

"No, Don't Boyd, I can't" bringing her hand up to her face before flagging them around "What do you want, why are you doing this"

Looking at Kerry then the ambulance officers he could tell she was reliving it, doing what she wished she had done, he wants to stroke her face not wanting to touch her "its going to be ok Kerry" how he wished he could say more "you are safe now, no one is going to hurt you"

Hearing a voice a soothing voice, Lawson was with her he was there "Don't shoot him NOOOOO, Boyd no more"

_**She thought it was never going to end, from the moment he first dragged her off the lounge she tried to resist and was hit across the face with his hand and in the stomach, then she heard the gun shot, glancing in relief that Lawson was still alive, as she is dragged into the bedroom, seeing Boyd close the door, closing her eyes she knows there is one thing he is going to do to her. Seeing him move closer to him, "if you fight it will be made worse for you" feeling his hands moving to her zipper bringing her leg up towards his groin. Rolling his stomach over in agony, seeing Kerry go to the door "open that door and I will shoot you both" **_

_**Walking over to the door and closing it, hitting Kerry across the head and face with his gun, dragging Kerry back to the bed tossing her roughing on it, before lying on it, all she could do was close her eyes and hope it would soon be over, she made the mistake of moving, all she got in return was a hit across the chest, she could feel the pain of it, trying not to wince or show any of it. **_

_**Walking out of the bedroom a while later, she had no idea how long she was in there, feeling numb it felt longer than what it probably was, he had raped her over and over each time she resisted she was hit. Feeling pulled towards the lounge, her stomach and chest sore, not going to show the pain, as Boyd pulls her harder, tripping over, feeling Boyd jerk her arm up as he kicks her in the chest and stomach. **_

_**Feeling his hand on her arm "we are going to get out of this" how she wished she could believe him, would anyone else come to check on her, would they know, not until morning, she couldn't even get to her phone. **_

_**Watching as Boyd stands near by, the time seems to stand still, how long has it been now, as much as she hoped that Boyd would only do it to her once, she knew it would happen again. **_

Why was it happening to her, for the first time in her life she had fear she was scared, involuntarily putting her hand to her throat before pushing him away "Boyd stop it, get off me, I can't breathe". Leaning down closer to Kerry she was panicking she was starting to hyperventilate he felt helpless he needed to do something more, looking up at the ambulance officers watching as they adjust her oxygen level "Just knowing you are here, is helping her let her know she isn't by herself, just talk to her, soothe her". Looking up at them "she is going to be ok, she will get through it all" not answering his question "She has a long way ahead of her, both emotionally and physically, the best thing you can do now is just be there for her"

She felt so violated in all her years as a cop she had been in control, she had the upper hand, she had got out of so many situations the one calling the shots, the only time she felt out of control was when she hit the cyclist "I didn't meant to kill him, I'm sorry it was an accident, I'm so sorry". Her eyes closing she can't take it anymore, each time he raped her, how could anyone do that, how could Boyd do it "how could you do it, why, I can't, please Boyd, I can't fight you anymore"

Feeling a hand on her, no she doesn't want him to touch her, flinging out her hand with all the strength she can muster flinging the hand off her. It happened before he realised what was happening, all too quickly, seeing the officers looking at him "I'm ok" rubbing his face where the hand hit him, tears coming to his eyes, he can't imagine what she went through

_**Each time he pulled her into the bedroom he raped her all she wanted was it to be over, not knowing how much more her body could take, her head was aching along with her chest, she was starting to have trouble breathing, in the end she couldn't even fight him she wanted to "why are you doing this Boyd" she managed to whispered, all she got was a hit across the face again and punched in the chest "I will never forgive you for this" feeling him kneel on top of her as his hands go down to her throat, putting his hand around it before pressing against it, trying to pull his hand off her push him off her, finally as he released her coughing involuntarily putting her hand up to her throat, as he pulls her off the bed. **_

_**Finally she saw the sun come through her blinds, it would still be a few hours though, she had to keep on fighting, she could feel Lawson next to her, stroking whispering to her, keeping her awake she tried to open her eyes but she couldn't she couldn't see out of them. She was starting to feel tired she wanted to close her eyes, to make it all stop and go away, how much more was she going to endure, her body battered and bruised, there wasn't much more he could do to her. She couldn't even see him anymore, she couldn't see anything, she could feel the pain it was starting to take over.**_

Hearing a noise, Lawson looks up at the ambulance in shock watching as they put the defibrillator on her, watching as her body is jolted by the shock "Cmon Kerry, you can do it" watching helplessly "Kerry, don't you dare die on me, hang in there"

_**Hearing a noise, no she can't hope that someone would actually come, she hears the noise again as the doors are broken, she doesn't care hearing the voice of someone, was it Josh before hearing Lawson's voice "Get an ambulance now" then more softly "Hang in there Kerry, it won't be long before the ambulance is here" trying to look at Lawson "Tell James, tell James I do love him" feeling him stroking her head "no Kerry you are going to tell him yourself" grabbing what she hopes is his shirt "Please Lawson" **_

_**Nodding at Kerry realising she can't see him "I promise Kerry, but you are going to be able to do it yourself" **_

Was that Lawson's voice again, she could hear voices. Looking at the monitor seeing the lines start to form relief on his face "We need to get her to the hospital now"

…..

the team comes in, each one of them the shock on their face, glad she was in emergency, he didn't want anyone to see her, he knew she wouldn't want it, and the fact was it was something he wished he didn't have to see, it would remain with him for a long time.

Feeling Shannon's arms around him "Lawson you need to see someone, look at you, you can hardly stand" shaking his girlfriends hand off him "I'm fine Shannon"

Staring at Lawson her voice forceful "no your not, I'm getting a nurse to see you" putting his arms up pushing her away his voice loud "Stop it Shan, don't you get it, my injuries are nothing compared to Kerry's, just go"

Staring at Lawson, she knew him well enough to know he felt guilty about it touching his arm "This isn't your fault, you did everything you could Lawson"

Facing Shannon his voice full of anger "How would you know, you weren't there" looking at Lawson "No, but I know you and what you would do. What good will you be for her, if something happens to you, you need to see someone Lawson"

As much as he wishes Shannon was wrong, the pain was starting to be felt, feeling light headed, reaching out for his girlfriend.

Watching as Lawson starts to collapse calling out as she reaches out helping him "I need help here"

…..


	7. Chapter 7

_One minute it was silence, suddenly the room was filled with noise alarms and monitors going off beeping everywhere watching as the nurses rush in, looking at the machine, the lines are flat "No" not really hearing the voices as you are being ushered outside, watching helplessly from the door as the crash cart is brought in, watching as they put the pads on the chest. After the first jolt watching as the body jerks up and back down, the eyes wide open not being able to watch anymore, watching as the nurses try to revive them the line still flat, moving away from the room rubbing the hands through their hair and across the face "no", feeling a pair of arms around them. _

_Moving into the waiting room, the wait agonising have they revived them, please let the answer be yes, how long has it been the news can't be good if it has taken that long, feeling a hand reach out squeezing theirs, no you can't do nothing, you have to do something, moving out of the waiting room back down the corridor seeing the nurses come out looking up at them hope in their eyes "were you….." taking a deep breath "were you able to" seeing them nod, tears of relief in your eye "we have a heart beat again, Tash will be in to see you all shortly" looking at the nurse, what did that mean they had restarted the heart wasn't that enough, didn't that mean they were still alive._

_No one had moved since they had first arrived, waiting for news, waiting for some hope, she wished she had better news for them, she wished she didn't have to tell them what she did, she knew how much she meant to them all especially Josh "we're running more tests but it looks like the organs are shutting down and the brain function isn't too good, the machines at the moment are keeping them alive but for how long"._

_Watching as Josh listens before following him out of the room, following him she knew he would take it badly, blaming himself._

_Watching as Tash walks out of the room, the mouths open of everyone of them, there eyes moving around looking at each other, she has to pull through, why did any of this have to happen, she was strong, she would pull through she just had too. "What about James, someone has to tell James" looking at Stella "he's on his way back, the police should be at the airport now, picking him up, he has priority to get off the plane first"_

_Looking down at her hands, fiddling, Stella would hate to be in James' s position looking at Lawson, he was distraught, turning away, a tear forming on her face, she couldn't imagine TR without Kerry _

_Getting up off the chair away from the others, he has to see her again, sit next to her, she can't be by herself, walking away he doesn't even hear Shannon's voice "Lawson" _

…_._

Sitting by her bed, holding her hand, why didn't he do something, why did he sit and watch it all happen, he should of tried something anything, he should of tried harder, he should of tried to stop Boyd taking her into the room, watching every time she came out weaker and weaker she became he knew she was trying to be strong and brave, but she was in pain so much pain, he wanted to take it all away to make it better, he wants her to wake up to look at him to say anything. Suddenly the machines go off, filling the room with noise, watching as the nurses rush in.

Watching the nurses revive her, the machines beeping everywhere his eyes wide in shock pacing around the front of the ICU watching as the paddles jolt her chest up and back down, the line still flat, rubbing his hand across his face "no"

Looking at her lying on the bed, looking so peaceful her chest rising and falling looking like she's breathing on her own, she's dying you can't deny it any longer and there is nothing you can do about it. The machines breathing for her, wanting to will her to live to fight, not to give up, the toll of everything, he had won after it all Boyd had taken her away from him from all of them.

Taking her hand pressing it against his cheek, they had been together once after Grace died for a short period of time, he would always have a soft spot for her. Looking at her chest rising and falling he knew it wasn't good news he could tell by the looks the doctors gave each other, what Tash said, she was losing the battle why was it the one battle she had to lose was this, he would give anything to have her live wanting to scream at her not to give up to fight it.

The tears not able to be held in as the fall freely, he had loved her even now his feelings for her were strong, holding her hand kissing it "don't give up you can't leave, you can't let him win come one Kerry, you need to fight, you need to pull through, I can't lose you Kerry I just can't."

Standing at the door watching her boyfriend, trying to keep it together, the leader of Tactical Response the only time he had questioned that was with Andrew Kronin escaping and the shooting on the bus, she had seen him but not able to help him then, Jacinta was with him then. Walking up closer to Lawson resting her hand on his shoulder, showing him she was here for him.

Feeling a hand on his shoulder, interrupting him from his pain and grief, his eyes fixed on the movement of her body her hair away from her face, wanting to reach out and stroke her face, not able to move not wanting to move "Shan, please just go".

Standing on the spot looking at Lawson and back to the bed leaning down closer to him "it's not your fault Lawson, don't blame yourself. There was nothing you could of done to prevent this, you did everything you could to help her, she was lucky you stopped by her place" He wouldn't call it lucky none of this was luck it was bloody awful and he could of done more he was sure he could of prevented it "Lawson your still recovering, let me take you back to your room" Shaking his head his voice firm staring at the bed "I'm not leaving … just go, just leave me alone"

Starting to walk out of the room, blocking her out not blaming him, she couldn't imagine the pain he was going through, she knew they had something special "I'll be in the waiting room".

James was on his way back to Melbourne he had been on holidays and finally had gotten a flight home, due any time now someone from the police force picking him up taking him straight away to the hospital how was he going to cope with seeing his mum here like this, would a miracle happen how he wanted to believe it.

….

Looking at Kerry, her hand still in his, reaching down, brushing her hair away gently her face still bruised, he would never forget that night, every time he closes his eyes the memories are there, the feeling of helplessness, it was like he was reliving it all over again.

_Pulling her off the lounge feeling her resist, hitting her across the face with his hand, and in the stomach, he had to get up to try to stop her watching as Boyd pulled the gun shooting him in the leg "do that again and I'll shoot him again" the pain he felt was nothing compared to watching as he drags her towards the bedroom downstairs. _

_Seeing the door close, no noise made from the bedroom, he knew Kerry was a strong person, but how much could she put up with. He had a pretty good guess what was going on in the bedroom how he wish he didn't or could do anything to help her. _

_Watching as the door opens, feeling so helpless wanting to go and help Kerry or even_ _call for help watching as she walks out, closing his eyes, wanting to punch or even kill Boyd looking at her face bloodied the pain on her face that she is trying to hide watching as Boyd pushes her towards the lounge seeing her trip over as she falls to the ground watching as Boyd kicks her stomach and chest, not able to watch anymore "Stop it Boyd, can't you see what you're doing to her" all he gets for his outburst is another bullet in the leg. _

_Whispering "I'm so sorry" seeing her try to give her a small smile_

_Putting his hand on her arm "we are going to get out of this" he had to believe it, would someone else check on them, if not it wouldn't be till morning and she had to hold on to. _

_Pulling her towards him wanting to protect her each time he went to stand up or do something he ended up with a bullet in his leg or arm. He was sure he was raping her each time he took her in there, stroking her face "hang in there Kerry, help will be on its way" he was sure of it, if only she could hold out till morning, would Shannon realise, no she probably thought he was keeping her company. _

_Each time he saw the bedroom door open and Kerry being pushed or dragged out he didn't want to watch or see, he could see her getting weaker and weaker and looking worse, her face bloodied, her eyes starting to close and face starting to swell up, her clothes were hanging on her in parts, he saw it was taking all her effort just to walk to the lounge, stroking her head "I'm so sorry Kerry" and he was he wished it wasn't happening that he left the front door and got help instead of trying to save her himself. _

_It was easy to ignore the pain in his leg and arms from the bullets, the pain he was feeling he was sure was nothing compared to what Kerry was going through. _

_Glancing at his watch, finally he could see the sun start to rise the longest night of his life, each time Kerry was taken away time seemed to stand still until the bedroom door opened again, finally the early hours of the morning it seemed to have stopped. _

_He would never forget the past day, he would never forget seeing her body as the ambulance arrived, battered and beaten, her face swollen and bloodied, her clothes torn, he could hear her struggling before being silenced. He would take her into the bedroom for a while and each time she was dragged back to the lounge, the fire going from her face each time and there was nothing he could do about it, that was the worse part. _

….

Walking into the hospital the police car dropping him off at ICU, walking quickly inside looking around he sees the team in the waiting room "What's going on, what happened to mum, how is she?"

Getting off his seat, how was he going to tell James, what was he going to tell James, Josh had no idea "James, Your mum is in ICU, she is …" how can he say it, how can he say that she might not make it. "Josh just tell me, is she going to be Ok" shaking his head slightly "We don't know"

Walking into the room Tash sees someone there "what is happening to my mum?" walking closer to her "I'm sorry James the news isn't good, the swelling on the brain hasn't gone down like we had hoped, she is" interrupting her "I want to see her" nodding at James "before I take you to see her, I need to tell you, her face is badly swollen, her whole body is bruised, she has broken ribs, you need to be prepared, I'm sorry James, her organs are starting to shut down and the brain function is diminishing" looking at the doctor his mouth open "what does that mean" her mouth open, how can she tell him "that is looks like her body is shutting down, she has limited brain function, I'm sorry James she is dying"

Staring at Tash, did he hear her right, did she say Kerry was dying moving forward grabbing her by the shirt "No, no, you can't let her die, you have to save her" shaking her shirt "She can't die she can't die" feeling a pair of arms around him, pulling him off Tash, no he can't lose her.

It had all seemed so surreal, but watching James grief stricken voice, him moving towards Tash, him crying out biting their lips, the tears coming to their eyes, they had all controlled it for so long, but seeing his raw emotion showing, the fact that Kerry was his mother, it was more than a colleague or boss moving forward Stella pulls him away from Tash.

Pushing away from Stella "I need to see her" seeing Tash nod, he follows her out of the room.

Standing at the door way staring in, all hooked up to tubes and monitors, seeing Lawson sitting next to her holding her hand, walking tentatively into the room, no matter what Tash said he wasn't prepared for this "who did this to her, I'm going to make sure they pay for this"

Turning around, Lawson sees James there "James they have been arrested, they will not get away with it."

Walking close to Kerry "How could someone do this to her, why?"

Looking at James, he wishes he could answer that question but he can't, he has no idea what caused Boyd to do this "I wish I knew James, but I don't know"

Getting up off the chair patting James shoulder, as much as Kerry meant to him, she was James mother. Stopping to look at James his voice soft "James, Kerry wanted me to tell you that she loved you" looking up at Lawson nodding his mouth open before turning back to his mum, reaching for her hand, putting his head to her chest, the tears falling from his face, he can't lose her, he just can't she might have been a shit mum but the last few years she was there for him, looking after him, sending him to rehab, but despite it all he loved her, she was his mother.

Looking up as the doctor walks in the face grim before looking back at Kerry "I'm sorry, there is nothing more we can do, we have run tests the only thing keeping her alive now is the ventilator, you need to think about turning it off"


	8. Chapter 8

_**Thank you to everyone who has read this so far, this was by far the hardest and saddest chapter to write which is why it has taken to long, never though I would be writing a chapter like this. There is still one or 2 to come. Hope you enjoy reading it **_

…_**..**_

Looking at his mum lying on the bed, her chest still rising "she's still breathing, I can see her chest rising, your wrong" Sitting next to James, Tash looks at him she wished she was wrong, she even had more doctors test and come in and look at her "the ventilator is doing the breathing for her, which is why her chest is rising, once that is turned off. I'm sorry James her injuries were severe, she has no brain function" looking up at Tash "How can I make the decision, how can I decide to turn off my mother's life support, how can I make the decision for her to die, to kill her" reaching for James hand "You didn't kill her James, she had major blood loss before she came here, she had many injuries, her spleen had ruptured her lungs collapsed, swelling on the brain, she had trauma to the head" then getting up off the chair "You don't have to decide tonight"

Walking out to the waiting room, Tash sees the team there, Josh sitting there his eyes red trying not to cry, Lawson his face withdrawn "we're run more tests, the news isn't good she is no longer breathing on her own, the ventilator is the only thing keeping her alive, the bruising on her brain was severe, her internal injuries, she was without oxygen for a while, and with the brain damage." Seeing them look up at her, Lawson speaks "maybe the doctors are wrong" seeing Tash shake her head "We've had a few doctors look at her, James needs to make the decision, when to turn off her ventilator" seeing Christian look at her his mouth open "he's not going to do it though, she's still alive, he can't turn it off" looking around at the team she knows how close they all are to each other, and how Josh looked up and respected Kerry, how tough she was "he doesn't need to make the decision now, he does need to think about it"

Watching from the door way, James holding Kerry's hand, he knew their relationship wasn't the best but Kerry loved him in her own way, watching as her chest rises up and down, she can't be gone, Kerry was one of a kind stepping inside the room, he didn't want to intrude on James and his mother but he needed to just see her.

Hearing a noise James looks up seeing Lawson there, his eyes red seeing him walk away "I'll go" looking up at Lawson, he wants him to stay, he needs someone to talk to, someone to help him, how can he make such a decision by himself, hospital wanting him to end his mother's life "I can't do it Lawson, I can't turn it off, what if they are wrong" Looking up at Lawson "they can be wrong, can't they, if I turn it off, what if they are wrong" looking back down at Kerry "she is just so beautiful, she's just lying there her chest rising, so peaceful" turning back to his mother leaning down on her stomach.

Waiting until James lifts his head up part of him can't help but agree, what if they are wrong, what if.. "I know James, but they have done the tests James, you need to do what Kerry would want." Nodding at Lawson looking up as a nurse comes in "How long do I have to decide?" watching as the nurse fiddles with the machine "as long as you need" looking at Lawson "can you stay with her" nodding watching as James walks outside.

Holding Kerry's hand the tears starting to fall, she held a special place in his heart, they had been together briefly years ago, and he would look out for her no matter what, protect her and care for her, he felt something for her and had a special friendship that would never change, he couldn't imagine tactical response without Kerry, she put the book together, she broke the rules and bent them, wiping the tears away she can't be dead.

….

Walking into Lawson's room a while later, he had left to give James time with his mother, he couldn't be with the team, he had to be on his own Kerry was more than his boss, she was someone who was very special to him, someone he though would always be there no matter what, someone he cared about deeply, James stops at the doorway taking a deep breathe "I'm turning off mum's life support, can…. Can you tell the team, they can be there or if they want to see her." Walking towards James, he can't imagine what he is going through, it is hard enough him trying to comprehend it all, let alone her son making the decision "I think you're making the right decision, it's what Kerry would want, she couldn't….." nodding at Lawson he knew his mother lived to be a cop and if she couldn't do that or have brain damage he had made the right decision despite it all.

Walking into the waiting room, Lawson sees all eyes upon him before he can speak he sees Tash walking in. Walking into the room Tash sees the team there, they hadn't moved much the whole time "James is turning the ventilator off, Lawson he wants to know if you want to be there, if the whole team is" seeing Christian look up at her, his eyes open "He's not really going to do it?" looking as Tash nods, hearing Stella's voice "He has to do it, if she's not breathing on her own, he can't leave her like that"

….

Walking towards the waiting room, he can't tell the team, shaking his head all he can do is pace, is he making the right decision, what if they are wrong, he knows some of the team will want to say goodbye to her, walking towards the ICU stopping at the door James looks at his mum lying there tears forming in his eyes, can he actually watch them, let them turn the machines off, watching as Lawson walks towards her, sitting down next to her, stroking her hand bringing it up to his lips, he didn't know what to say how does he say everything he wants to, what did he want to say, that he did love her, how he wished things were different, all he can whisper "I will miss you Kerry" bringing her hand up to his face, he has to be strong, he can't let his emotions take over, how can he say goodbye to her, she was more than his boss, she was his friend, she was his lover for a short period of time, closing his eyes he could still remember the short time they spend together, their relationship a secret, she will always hold a special place in his heart, she meant so much to him. Leaning down on the bed, kissing her lips softly and gently for the last time his voice soft barely audible "I love you Kerry Vincent, I'm so sorry, I am so sorry Kerry, I should of protected you, should of done more, this never should of happened". He can still remember their first meeting, he wanted her out, she was as smug as they came, he grew protective of her, their working relationship just got better, each trying to outdo each other, but he would of done anything for her, and he was sure she would of done the same, how could he say goodbye to her, he couldn't that was all there was "I'll look after Tactical Response for you" even then he knew what she would of said she loved having the last word. He needs to be strong but seeing her lying there, knowing that soon those machines that were keeping her alive, were going to be turned off, getting up off the bed, took all his effort, he didn't want to leave her, he didn't want to say goodbye, it just wasn't fair, none of it was.

Watching from the door way, seeing her boyfriend holding her hand, his face close to hers, turning to walk away she didn't want to intrude on the moment.

…..

Walking up to James, Leon's voice soft "Can I have a moment with Kerry before" unable to continue "nodding at the intel officer he knew the tactical response was like her family, it also gave him an excuse not to turn off the machines just yet, maybe just maybe a miracle or something could happen. .

Walking to the door of the room, taking a deep breath, he had seen her when she was carried out the image would stay with him for a long time, walking hesitantly in the room, she was a hard boss, but was fair and he got on well with her, he had a crush on her for so long, she was hot he would of slept with her in a flash, she had kissed him once, after cutting her birthday cake walking over taking a chair, what was he to say now he was here "I was going to bring you a cheesal tower in for decoration, or a porn magazine for you, but you'd probably of wanted your laptop instead. TR won't be the same without you Kerry" she had her moments a lot of them where she would just yell at him, he knew she liked him and they got on so well together "we worked well together Kerry" wiping a tear away from his eye "I'll miss you so much, it just won't be the same coming to work each day" not knowing what to expect, she had calmed down slightly now, there were times she came in yelling at her, when Nina was being chased by Michael, she came in and crushed all his cheesals, then yelling at the lawyer, there were so many memories, her smiling at him, her smile lit up her face, then the night she kidnapped him as a designated driver "Just remember Kerry, don't get a tattoo when your drunk, and that you should of listened to me" a smile on his face remembering when she woke up at his place, thinking she had slept with him, how they went out drinking all night, or Kerry was drinking most of the night, when the team was talking about rooting Kerry and making bets, and she put on the headset listening in, until Stella talked about filming it, so many memories, and no more would be made the tears start to fall, the thought of never seeing her again he didn't want to think about it, but he had to, knowing that she would never wake up the machine was all that was keeping her alive.

Turning around seeing Stella standing at the door, looking into the room "I can't believe that she is dead, that … " looking into the room she liked her boss, she was hot for her age, but despite everything she was a great boss, she could of fired her for drag racing yet she gave her another chance, she felt sorry for her when she was looking for James, what she went through, she had been through a lot she was tough, walking inside the room, she can't stay in there standing next to the bed "I'm sorry Kerry" and she was she was sorry for so much for this happening, for once she had no words, no words to express how she felt, what to say to her boss, how could she say everything she wanted to knowing she would never see her again, a smile on her face remembering the conversation about her birthday "I'd do you Kerry, even for someone you're age, I wonder if Lawson did turn up at your door, you definitely didn't film it" shaking her head sadly who would take over TR, there was something about her she had her moments they all knew that but she also saw something else when James went missing she was tough but there was something else.

Walking out the room, watching as she passes Josh, his hand squeezing hers the walk seems so long back to the waiting room, how she was glad she wasn't in James' position, she wanted to make sure Boyd paid for this.

Walking into Kerry's room, he remembered the first year they were together, there working relationship was rocky to say the least, she wanted him fired more times than once, she needed his help once, what did he owe her, now a lot, he owed her so much, she gave him so many chances he didn't deserve, she gave him second chances, there were times she couldn't save him but more times than not, she saw the good in him, walking into the room, he didn't know what to expect whispering "I will make sure Boyd will pay for this Kerry" he could imagine her shaking her head at him, knowing she wouldn't be able to stop him "You don't need to be tough and strong all the time Kerry, I'm sorry I wasn't able to protect you and help you more, I'm sorry this happened Kerry, I wish I could of done more, I went around earlier"

Standing at the door watching her boyfriend with Kerry a small smile on her face, he needed to see her, she just didn't think he was going to, turning to walk away before he saw her, she didn't want to interrupt him. Holding her hand "we learnt a lot together, James is here now, I'll try to keep my eye on him, you didn't need to go through this and do it all by yourself". Feeling the tears form in his eyes, he was strong and tough but seeing what she went through and for it all to end up like this, he can't control them wiping them away squeezing her hand "I'll miss you, I won't forget you" and he knew he wouldn't his relationship with her now was so different.

…..

Walking back into his mum's room, watching her just lying there, despite it all she was beautiful he knew she loved her, even if she had a different way of showing it. He couldn't put it off much longer, he knew his mum wouldn't like it, if her brain was affected she wouldn't want to be here, she lived to be a cop. Reaching for her hand, stroking it "I love you mum" releasing her hand, walking slowly out to the nurses station, seeing Tash there nodding at her as he turns away can he watch them do it.

….

Walking into the waiting room "James has given permission to have the machines turned off now, if you want to be there"

Watching as Tash and the nurses walk into the room, walking slowly towards the bed standing there staring, not even noticing the rest of the team standing at the door way, turning around seeing Lawson there nodding at him, watching as he walks over siting in the chair, walking to the other side of the bed, each of them holding her hand not able to watch biting his lips, he wants to yell out no, he wants his mother back, he wants his mum to wake up, watching as they pull the tubes attachments off, watching the monitor as each machine is turned off, trying to stop the sobs that are coming up, leaning down kissing her on the top of the head "I love you mum" as he hears the lines going flat the tears coming to the surface his mother is dead, leaning down on her the tears just flowing yelling "Noo, Nooo Mum".

Watching the screen going flat the shock on all of their faces, Leon wiping his tears with his hand, them coming freely, Shannon her mouth and eyes open in shock her eyes on her boyfriend, staring at Kerry her hand still in his, Stella wiping the tears away from her eyes, Michael in shock just staring at the room and Kerry before looking away. Feeling an arm on his back, Josh knows it is Tash, his mouth open, his face distraught, trying to keep the tears from falling, staring at his boss lying in the bed, the lines straight all machines now turned off, her chest no longer rising, her just lying in bed, watching his mate just staring at Kerry, not moving. Not able to stay there any more, turning to walk away. Watching Josh walk away, wanting to help him, knowing there is nothing she is able to do or say to help him, her death just senseless, hoping he won't do anything he would regret.

Watching the tubes removed and machines being turned off, her hand in his, stroking it, he can't move, watching as the lines go straight, he doesn't even need Tash to say it, he knows she is now dead, he had lost her, feeling Shannon's hand on his shoulder, flinging it off, he doesn't want her around he wants to be by himself, he needs to be, he let her down when she needed him most he couldn't save her, he couldn't help her, what good was it being a cop when he let Kerry die, when he let Boyd attack her, rape her, closing his eyes the images will remain with him for a long time and here she was dead turning around seeing Shannon there, her voice soft "Lawson let me take you back to your room" feeling her hand on his arm his eyes red full of anger his voice loud "just go Shannon" seeing her just standing there, his voice louder "Go Shannon I don't want you here, I just want to be alone"

Looking across the bed, James no longer there, he didn't even see him leave, all he feels is numbness, he can't leave her there, not by herself he knows what will happen now, her hand still in his, leaning down kissing her lips softly and gently "I love you Kerry, always have and always will" he always thought she would be around, she did mean so much to him, he would of done anything to protect her, anything and he did nothing. Putting his elbows on her bed stroking her hair "I will make sure Boyd pays for this Kerry, he won't get away with it"

Looking up at a nurse walks into the room he knows what she wants, can he let them take her away, can he never see her again, never touch her staring at Kerry lying there, looking up at the nurse, he doesn't want to say goodbye.

…

_(This song is played whilst the machines are turned off and the team are there and as Lawson is there just watching and looking as tears form in his eyes " We'll Do It All Everything On Our Own_

_We Don't Need Anything Or Anyone_

_If I Lay Here? If I Just Lay Here? Would You Lie With Me And Just Forget The World?_

_I Don't Quite Know How To Say How I Feel_

_Those Three Words Are Said Too Much They're Not Enough_

_If I Lay Here? If I Just Lay Here? Would You Lie With Me And Just Forget The World?_

_Forget What We're Told Before We Get Too Old Show Me A Garden That's Bursting Into Life_

_Let's Waste Time Chasing Cars Around Our Heads_

_I Need Your Grace To Remind Me To Find My Own_

_If Lay Here? If I Just Lay Here? Would You Lie With Me And Just Forget The World?_

_Forget What We're Told Before We Get Too Old Show Me A Garden That's Bursting Into Life_

_All That I Am All That I Ever Was Is Here In Your Perfect Eyes, They're All I Can See_

_I Don't Know Where Confused About How As Well Just Know That These Things Will Never Change For Us At All_

_If I Lay Here? If I Just Lay Here? Would You Lie With Me And Just Forget The World?_


	9. Chapter 9

Thank you for everyone who has read it and reviewed it, only 2 more chapters to go including this one. Hope you enjoy it.

Ooooooooooooooooo

Could he move away from the bed, let go of her hand, say goodbye fore ever, finally moving away from the bed nodding at them, wheel watching as they move the bed out, following it out, seeing James there watching the grief on both their faces the tears streaming down his face, the reality that Kerry is gone, he would never see her again, never see her smile, her laugh or trying to outdo him or her voice.

…

Looking at his mate inside the room and at Shannon walking out a small shrug given, Josh shakes his head he knew Lawson would take it hard walking over to James he had to look out for him, do something for Kerry "Let me know when you need a lift back to the hotel"

Looking up at Josh his eyes red, James didn't want to go back, he wanted to go back to his mother's house, to be close to her "I want to go back to Seddon, I need to go to Kerry's house"

Looking at James, he had no idea what Kerry's house would be like shaking his head "What about I organise it for tomorrow" shaking his head at Josh his voice firm "either take me there or I will find my own way there Josh" looking around, there was only Lawson walking away left, he knew they had all gone off to the pub "Come to the pub with us" seeing James shake his head "Kerry's house is a crime scene James, wait until it is cleaned up"

Taking a deep breath looking at Josh, he needed to be close to his mum, he didn't care what the house was like "Just take me there, please"

Walking up to the door, the tape still around the house, closing his eyes, he didn't know what to expect but he just wanted to be near his mum, close to her. Opening the door slowly, his eyes looking around walking inside slowly, stopping at the door to what was his bedroom his eyes looking around the lounge, seeing the blood on the carpet closing his eyes blinking back the tears. Turning around looking inside his room, opening the door, his hand brought up to his mouth, seeing the blood on the floor looking at his bed, sensing Josh behind him anger in his voice "he tied mum up to the bed, did he ra…." Did he want to know what he did to Kerry, how now he wished he hadn't come back here, closing his eyes trying to get the images out of his head unable to say the word turning to look at Josh his voice full of anger and high "that bastard did he ra…."

Looking at James, he hadn't looked around, they all went to the hospital, he knew he shouldn't of taken James back here, he didn't know the full story but had guessed most of it from her injuries. Nodding at James "I'm sorry James" turning back to face the bedroom his eyes open, in a slight daze walking inside "I need time by myself"

Looking around the room, what did that monster do to his mother, how could he have raped her, the anger of it all, picking up anything he can find, tossing it against the wall, he wanted Kerry to walk in the door, he wanted his mother to be here, he went through so much here, with his drug problem, and she was here for him, in her own way but she didn't' kick him out she tried to help him, he wanted to feel her arms around him, she wasn't the best other in the world even she knew she was a shit mother, but now more than anything he wanted his mum. Flinging everything off the bed and table onto the floor his breathing becoming heavy before walking over to the bed sitting on it, putting his head in his hands, the tears falling down. .

Walking out of the room, Josh hadn't been inside the room previously, he didn't even know half of it he had a guess, what did she go through with him, hearing noises coming from the door, racing to the door opening it, looking around, seeing James sitting on the bed, walking over to him sitting next to him he couldn't even imagine what he was going through, despite his own grief he was going to protect James, that was the least he could do for her.

…

Walking around aimlessly, he can't go home, the doctors still wanted him to stay, his legs still sore but a few days now on his way to recovery. , his phone continually ringing or beeping with a message, turning it off, he doesn't want to talk to Shannon or anyone. Looking up realising he is at Seddon walking up to the front door, can he walk inside, was it only three days ago that it all happened, seeing the tape still around the house walking underneath it opening the door.

Standing at the doorway it all looks different now, looking down he can still see the blood on the carpet, looking around walking towards the bedroom, closing his eyes it all comes back to him seeing Kerry dragged out of the room, why didn't he try to do more, why did he let it happen, standing at the doorway he can't move from the spot. Walking slowly inside looking at the lounge, it was here he held her, stroked her hair tried to ensure she was alright he should of done more than he did. Standing at the doorway to the bedroom looking inside the bed there closing his eyes he didn't even want to think what Boyd did to her in here, he knew he had raped her over and over again along with hitting her what kind of monster did that to someone. Blinking back the tears that were forming he didn't do anything to save her. Walking out of the bedroom towards the kitchen seeing the wine there the glasses picking up a book tossing it the anger at it all, he was going to make sure Boyd paid for it.

Walking into the pub with Josh, James looks around seeing the Tactical Response team there, all eyes upon him, shaking his head, turning to Josh "I'll see you later" not able to be here, he needs to be by himself for the time being, he knows they will talk about his mum and he wasn't ready for it, she was a bloody good cop how -did it happen he wanted answers but how would he get them, why would someone do that to her mum, how could they.

Looking around, Josh expected to see Lawson here, he knew his friend was taking it hard, despite nothing being said, there was something between them, something happened, even though Lawson had told no one, he didn't have to, the attraction between them was obvious to all.

Seeing the team giving a short smile at them, raising the glasses "to Kerry"

Looking at Shannon Stella wonders where Lawson is, she thought he would be here, "Anyone know where Lawson is?" her eyes at Shannon seeing her shake her head shrugging, she had no idea where her boyfriend was, hearing Stella speak "I wonder who will take over Tactical Response, you think Lawson will, it will be so weird not having Kerry there" her eyes on her drink as Shannon speaks "she was a bitch when she wanted to be"

Josh "she was hard and tough but she was fair, she was there for you when you needed her, and she tried to help you always" seeing Stella nod at him "that's so true, we all could have been out of TR, but we aren't"

Smiling as Leon walks in, sitting down, the mood sombre, each deep in thought "it is just weird, I never thought this would of happened"

…..

Walking up the stairs two at a time showing his badge, it hadn't taken long to find out what he needed. Looking around walking into the room flashing his badge to the constable "I'll take over from here". Seeing Boyd look up at him a slight fear in her eyes "Kerry died tonight, but I bet that is what you wanted" walking closer to him "I am going to make you pay for that, you hear me" hearing a whimper come from his voice "I never meant for that to happen" the anger in his eyes and voice "you never meant for it, what did you" not letting him answer "you raped her and bashed her to an extent she had brain damage" hearing Boyd's voice "I didn't mean to" not able to continue, walking closer to him, grabbing him by his shirt pulling him up off the chair "you didn't mean to" his voice rising as he grabs him pushing him to the ground yelling at him "get up" seeing him not move pulling him up by his shirt ready to hit him as the door opens, feeling the officers arms on him pulling him away from him "let go" as he walks out of the room.

Walking out of the pub, needing to clear his head before heading home to Tash, walking down his head down, hands in his pocket, it seems so long ago, yet it was only a couple of days all of this -started, hearing his phone ring, answering it, damn

Walking into the station a short time later watching as Lawson walks out with the Sergeant "I'm letting this go this time, considering the charges Boyd has against him we are letting this one slide, but get him out of here" then turning to Lawson "if I see you here again I will charge you" flinging the Sergeants hand off him "that bastard didn't nearly get what he deserved" barely hearing the Sergeants voice "what do you think will happen if he did, he could be let off the charges, leave it to us and go home"

Walking out with Lawson looking at his mate "want a beer?" not answering Josh he wanted to be by himself "I would of done the same Lawson but he's right we can't do anything so Boyd can be let off. They won't let this go you know that" walking ahead of Josh he wanted to by himself

A WEEK LATER

They shouldn't be here, none of them should, it had been a week now since it all happened, James standing there, his hands clasped together, how can he do it, how can he bury his mother, standing around the coffin, the service a police ceremony, the burial just private family and close friends.

Looking down at coffin, waiting for it to be lowered in the ground, it was the hardest thing walking out of the church with Josh, Christian and Michael with the coffin on their shoulder, it shouldn't be happening, the week since she had died a total blur, shutting out Shannon, all he had was work, and even that wasn't the same, every evening he headed to the pub, how many times had he told Kerry drinking wasn't going to solve her problems yet here he was doing the same thing, he could hear her smart arse voice telling him, that was all that gave him some slightly comfort, standing next to James his hands by his side, feeling fingers trying to entwine themselves with his, he doesn't want her touch he just wants to be left alone.

Walking up to Lawson, watching him at the front, she could see the grief still etched on his face, each night he had an excuse not to spend time with her, she wanted to try to help him, but all he did was push her away. She had turned up to his house a couple of evening, knocking on the door, calling out his name, and no response, she knew he was in there but he didn't answer the door, as tempting to kick the door in all she did was walk away, going to the pub with Stella she could see Kerry's death affected her too, not that she would admit it, was she the only one that life went on, they had lost team mates before, but life went on.

Feeling Tash's hand in his, his eyes not moving from the coffin, this day should never have come, he lost more than his boss, he lost someone he respected and admired and had a lot of time for, he never thought this would happen, this time he had Tash to help him through it, support him, she wouldn't let him push her away, the grief still there, this never should of happened and he will make sure Boyd pays for it.

Standing near the back, she wants to leave, she can't stand being here anymore, watching as the coffin is lowered into the ground, she would miss Kerry, despite it all she was a good boss, she had flaunted the rules, and blurred them too, she had turned up to work drunk, but somehow Kerry reminded Stella a bit of herself, did she realise that too, that you could be a cop and have fun and live life. Kerry could of kicked her arse out of Tactical Response when she was caught drag racing and went down to the station to collect her, when she miscarried Kerry kept her secret to this day, she was there for her team, helped them through it all.

…..

Walking into base, looking around Lawson still not there she thought she would of heard from him but nothing for a couple of weeks now "Anyone heard from Lawson" looking at Josh, she was sure he had "Josh?" looking at Shannon nodding "he will be back he just needs time" rolling her eyes shit she was his girlfriend, here he was mourning Kerry, like she meant something more to him "What are we meant to do whilst he is away" seeing Christians' mouth open she really didn't care, Lawson was her boyfriend yet she had no idea where he was, or when he would be back. Walking out with Stella, seeing her looking at her "Don't Stel" looking at her friend she can tell she is upset and pissed off "give him time Shan" not even looking at Stella "how much time does he need Stel, I have no idea where he is, he hasn't even contacted me, I'm meant to be his girlfriend you know" watching as Shannon storms off to the car, Stella looks around, she missed Kerry, she knew it wouldn't be long until they appointed someone officially, for the time being they had Charlie back, she wished Lawson would come back.


	10. Chapter 10

_**Thank you to everyone who has read and a big thank you to those who have reviewed it. This is the last chapter. So glad this never happened on Rush as you can guess Kerry was my favourite character along with Lawson**_

…_**.**_

Walking out to the deck, a beer in his hand, he had spent his days at the pub, drinking on the verandah, with the occasional walk along the beach. He knew no one would find him here, a secluded spot, that is why they came here 4 years ago, they walked along the beach, holding hands, his arm pulling her against him kissing her before walking again, their feet bare kicking the sand and walking along the edge of the waves. They sat on the beach one night, her against his chest as they watched the sunset his arms firmly around her, he felt her body against his, his head resting on hers. It was only one weekend, but it was one of the most special he wished it had lasted longer, but reality had set in, it wouldn't work between them. Lying in bed, listening as the waves lapped against the sand, he could still feel her lips against his, her touch was so gentle, she cradled his face in her hand, there eyes just staring at each other. Throwing the can against the railing, anger filling him again, her death was just so senseless, he was going to make sure Boyd paid for it, he was not going to get away with it.

Walking along the path to the pub, he knew no one would recognise him, even if they saw him, he hadn't shaved in the 2 weeks he had been here, the beard had grown, he hadn't even thought of Tactical Response he didn't want to, he was sure they would of appointed someone else, they wouldn't even let Kerry be dead for a day or so before they had someone in there.

Stumbling out of the pub, walking the few 100 metres back to the caravan park, what meaning did life have, he had lost one of the most special person in his life, he hadn't even told her how much she meant to him why couldn't he have saved her, why couldn't he have done more, he didn't do enough that was all there was to it, and now she was dead and it was his fault.

Waking up the next morning, rolling over, trying to focus, who was in the bed with him, closing his eyes, the memory coming back, walking back from the pub not watching where he is going, bumping into someone, looking up at them, seeing them looking at him concern in their eyes there was something there something so similar that he felt drawn to her "you ok" nodding at them, he can't say anything seeing their eyes staring at him, they were so blue, and her hair brown down to her shoulders her voice soft and gentle. Walking back to the cabin, inviting them inside, the bottles of wines being drunk how many did they drink.

Getting up off the bed, pulling on some clothes, walking out to the ocean, he should feel guilty but he doesn't he cheated on Shannon, did he even still want to be with her, did he want much, did he want to go back to TR, he had no idea what he wanted to do, he said to Kerry once he would never leave Tactical Response, he put it together, hearing a noise watching as the door slides open, watching as she walks out standing next to him on the verandah looking out over the ocean "I never tire of looking over the sea or walking along the beach it is just so beautiful down here" picking up her shoes to walk away she knew it was a one night stand there was a reason that they were together and even though she would never see him again she felt for him the pain he was in walking down the steps of the cabin turning to look at him "Lawson, you need to go back to Tactical Response" looking at her, what did he say last night "you will regret it" before walking away. Staring after her shit, what did he say to her, he is normally such a private person not telling anyone his work.

Walking along the beach the a couple of days later, he sees her sitting on the sand, smiling up at him "You still here?" nodding at her he felt something being here a closeness to Kerry "I can't go back" seeing her pick up her things not looking at him totally until she stands up her voice soft "she must have been one special person this Kerry, you must of really loved her" surprise on his face shit what did he say seeing her face him "I don't know you Lawson, but from what you said the other night, you need to go back and take charge of Tactical Response, do what she loved doing, don't let it go to waste, you can still keep her memory alive, or you can continue here drinking and doing nothing. Its up to you, from what you said she wouldn't want you doing this to yourself go back and keep it going" walking on turning around "you will regret it if you don't" before walking away. Watching her walk away who was she why did he open up to her, calling out her name suddenly coming to him "Katie….. thanks"

…..

Knocking on Shannon's door a week later, seeing her look at him, he wondered what sort of reception he would get, he hadn't called or spoken to her in 6 weeks, he knew he should have.

Seeing the door open, her face showing nothing "Can I come in?" nodding at Lawson, hiding the surprise he looked good, she didn't know what to expect.

Walking over to the lounge, looking at Shannon, "I'm sorry Shan, for just taking off like that" he couldn't explain it to her, he couldn't explain it all to himself he didn't want to think about it "I'm taking over Tactical Response" surprise on her face, she should of known, where did it leave them, he didn't even discuss it with her "when did all of this happen, when do you start?" looking at Shannon "a few days ago, I went to HQ and found out yesterday" trying to hide the anger in her voice, he had taken off, no word from him, then comes and expects her to be happy for him "your telling me this now, you took off Lawson without a word, I have heard nothing from you in 6 weeks, no phone call, no message, nothing, you expect me to be happy for you" .

Looking at Shannon, he should be sorry, but he had to do it "I can't explain it to you Shan, it was something I needed to do" her eyes glaring at his "anyone would think you were in love with her Lawson, that you had lost someone who meant a lot to you, I'm your girlfriend how do you think all of this made me feel, I'm the one you are meant to want to be with" his eyes slightly down, he had come to realise a lot, Katie said some things that made him think "I hope you sorted it out Lawson"

Standing up looking at Shannon "There is no easy way to do this, I can't do this anymore, Shan I do love you, but I need to take this job, we can't be together anymore, I'm sorry"

Staring at Lawson her mouth open, she shouldn't be surprised, but she is "Your choosing the job over me"

Nodding at her, he has to do this, he has to do it for Kerry, Shannon is still here, and maybe in the future, but for now, this is what he has to do "its not like that, it is something I have to do…. Do you remember when you pushed me away, saying nothing, I didn't push you then Shan, I gave you your space not asking questions, I need to do this now for me and for Kerry"

Getting up off the chair her eyes fixed on Lawson "Why do you always choose her over me, were you in love with her"

Walking away from her not answering her question "this is something I have to do Shan"

….

Walking over to her grave, placing the flowers neatly on it, he can't believe it has been 8 months since she died, it sometimes still felt like yesterday, Boyd's trial to start soon.

Staring at the grave with the headstone now there, where was he to start "I got rid of Charlie for you Kerry, guess you probably know I'm now in charge of Tactical Response" giving a short laugh, he could imagine her response to that "I miss being out on the road sometimes, Josh is a senior sergeant now, Tash keeps him under control, Tash is expecting their first kid, Stella is sitting her Sergeant's exam soon, there is a new team member. I don't know how you put up with Leon, he misses you though, he has a photo of you in the communications room" looking around the cemetery he liked the photos made her feel close "James, Josh has taken him under his wing, you would be proud of him he has really matured, you did do a great job with him, you know"

" looking down kicking the dirt the subject that is still hard even though it happened a while ago "Shannon has left" he knew it would be hard seeing her, but he realised he didn't want to be with her, he wanted to make the job work no complications he never thought she would take it as far and blame her actions on him"

Looking at the grave and kneeling down next to her grave, he will always remember the day 3 months ago when Internal affairs an ethical Standards Department came into Tactical Response to speak to him, he didn't want to believe what they said watching as they walked out his mouth open in disbelief, he didn't want to believe what they said, part of him wanted to say no, wanted to speak to Shannon but he promised the he wouldn't.

Walking into the base the following morning, he hadn't gotten much sleep, he tossed and turned, he wanted to go to Shannon and speak to her, ask her if it was true, despite it all he didn't want to believe it but deep down he wondered. Looking around watching them walk in at the end of the day, sometimes he wondered how Kerry did it, the paperwork, going out on the road, it was harder than he thought but he wasn't going to give in, it meant to much for him. Walking into the locker room, looking around at the team all of them getting ready to leave "They have gathered enough evidence now to be able to charge Boyd, more evidence has come to hand, that they have prepared the brief, it looks like he won't be able to get off any of the charges" trying not to look at Shannon was that surprise and shock on her face, looking at the others "the trial will be starting shortly"

Walking out of the locker room, could he go to the trial, watching as Shannon walks out, calling out "Shan" he hadn't given him much time of day since he spoke to her a few months ago when he broke up with her "good news about Boyd" looking at her, trying to give anything away seeing her shrug "when it his trial?" walking with her "they have prepared the brief and giving it to the DP tomorrow, the trial will start within the next 3 days" seeing her staring straight ahead "that's pretty soon, didn't they have problems" turning away from her "they found new evidence and they don't want it go missing like the last time" looking at Shannon before turning away "Shan ….. I still have a mountain of stuff to go through" walking a few metres away before turning around, could he really believe it, getting out his mobile phone, hanging up a few minutes later, all he can do now is wait, how he wants to say something.

Walking into head quarters, seeing IA an ES there, nodding at them "you didn't say anything to her, give it away "shaking his head "you've got it wrong " how he wishes they had. Sitting in the darkness, he thought about Kerry, he thought about her often, he didn't realise how much he would miss her, how much he wanted her, her life was taken away too soon, how could she do it, how could she help Boyd, he thought the whole team wanted Boyd to pay for what he did. Hearing noise, he wanted to gasp as he saw the shadow, watching as the box is open, and the evidence is taken out, put in her pocket, how could she, he needed to know watching as she walks out. The lights turned on, as she walks out of the building, the shock on her face.

Walking into head office the following morning, seeing Shannon sitting there, standing at the door way, staring at her, what is he to say "why did you do it?" seeing her looking at her, her face not showing much emotion "do you really want to know Lawson" nodding at her he did he didn't understand how she could do it, how she could try to help Boyd the person who killed Kerry "Why is that even with Kerry dead, you seem to care more about her than me, we were going to get married Lawson, then all that changed, did you even think about me, or what I was going through?" biting his lips "Kerry died Shannon, and here you are helping the person who killed her" his voice louder "this isn't about you or me, this is about someone who killed our boss, someone you are helping" seeing her eyes boring through his who was this person, the one he was even thinking of marrying, who would help someone like Boyd, and why "you have no idea Lawson, Kerry wasn't the great person you all made her out to be, you seem to forget what she was really like" his voice filling with anger "she was there for her team Shannon, she had her moments but no matter what she supported each and every one in TR…." His eyes full of anger "I hope you go to jail and rot there, I never want to see you again" turning to walk out of the room how could he be so wrong about someone.

Watching Lawson walk out of the room how did it all come to this, she was caught, she had hoped Lawson would understand instead she should of known that he would put Kerry before her even now.

…..

Blinking back the tears that were threatening to form it was hard being here and talking about Shannon his voice soft "Shannon is in jail, whether that is the place for her or not, I don't care anymore, Stella has visited her a few times, but I can't forgive her for what she did, no matter how hard I have tried, what sort of person did what she did. I didn't even see it coming, what sort of leader does that make me, I did blame myself for a while" giving a small laugh he knew that Kerry hated failing as a leader too "why didn't I see it, was it my fault" shaking his head "it is hard Kerry, so hard sometimes I don't know how you managed to do it all those years"

Fiddling with his hands the tears nearly coming it was hard sitting here, seeing the name on the grave Kerry Vincent, running his hand over her name knowing that he would never see her again staring out over the cemetery "then there is me, I miss you so much Kerry, didn't realise it was possible to actually miss you this much, but I do, there are times I wish you would just walk through the door, hear your voice, I would give anything just to see you again, I love you Kerry, all of this has made me realise too late, that I loved you Kerry Vincent and I can't tell you that, I can't act on it, I can't do anything about it, and it hurts so much. I didn't protect you or do anything to help you, I let all of this happen to you and it is hard"

Closing his eyes he could still see her blue eyes, her smile that lit up her face, the look on her face when she was challenging him, trying to outsmart him, he would give anything to see that again, the truth was that he was losing that, he didn't want to let go of her, he wanted to remember her forever.

…

This song is played whilst he is at the cemetery

_Step one you say we need to talk, He walks you say sit down it's just a talk, He smiles politely back at you You stare politely right on through, Some sort of window to your right. As he goes left and you stay right Between the lines of fear and blame, And you begin to wonder why you came_

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend, Somewhere along in the bitterness, And I would have stayed up with you all night Had I known how to save a life_

_Let him know that you know best Cause after all you do know best Try to slip past his defense_

_Without granting innocence Lay down a list of what is wrong The things you've told him all along_

_And pray to God, he hears you And I pray to God, he hears you_

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend Somewhere along in the bitterness_

_And I would have stayed up with you all night Had I known how to save a life_

_As he begins to raise his voice, You lower yours and grant him one last choice_

_Drive until you lose the road, Or break with the ones you've followed He will do one of two things_

_He will admit to everything, Or he'll say he's just not the same And you'll begin to wonder why you came_

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend Somewhere along in the bitterness And I would have stayed up with you all night Had I known how to save a life Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend Somewhere along in the bitterness And I would have stayed up with you all night Had I known how to save a life_

_How to save a life_

_How to save a life_

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend_

_Somewhere along in the bitterness_

_And I would have stayed up with you all night_

_Had I known how to save a life_

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend_

_Somewhere along in the bitterness_

_And I would have stayed up with you all night_

_Had I known how to save a life_

_How to save a life_

_How to save a life_


End file.
